Curfew for my 17 year old son before leaving for uni this summer?

Question

I have set curfews for my 17 year old to give him structure and make sure he shows responsibility, but I'm concerned that hes going to uni this September and I do not want him coming back at 3am or some silly time like that.

I've laid out curfew as follows- on a normal day where he has nothing, he needs to be home by 8-9pm. But if he's got to get up at 6am the next day, he must be back by 8:30pm at the latest.

If he's out alone such as shopping by himself, he must be back by 9:30pm.

When he's out with friends, he must be back by 10-11 which is a reasonable time in my opinion. Regardless of the reason, I don't care if he's eaten out, he must be back by 11.

In rare cases, I'll allow him back by 12 if there's an event taking place say at his school.

Is this reasonable? I don't mind him coming back at 9pm daily, but I don't want him going wild when he goes to university and start coming back at silly times such as midnight as that spells trouble. I must not we do not drink as a family, nor do we tolerate clubbing or drugs.

Jelena · Answer

No!
He is a young adult. not a child. You should definitely be there to guide him, but he is the one who needs to make the decision. The only time you should really be involved is if he is doing something criminal (ie. drugs, theft, etc.). In the end the most important thing is that he is keeping up with his studies, getting good grades, etc. It is now his life.

Green Puffin · Answer

When he goes off to University, you won't even know what time he gets out of bed or when/if he returns!  It's perfectly normal for kids to go a bit wild, when they first leave home, don't worry too much, he'll grow out of it, when he associates headaches with wild partying!

Philomel · Answer

So he must be back by 8 or 9 or 10 or 11 or 12 depending on whether he is being responsible or not.
You cannot legislate responsibility !
You cannot legislate trust !
If you trust him then let him be responsible by being responsible. You have to TRUST that he is.
He is 17 and going to a University?
He has already graduated HS?
Get off his back !

Either you trust him or you don't.
If you don't then lock him in a closet.
If you do then show it. TRUST HIM!
I know this scares you but you are a BIG parent, Trust yourself enough to trust him !

? · Answer

Midnight was my curfew when i was 16.  My sister was 18 when she got that.  (Everything i got my sister got at the same time but she’s 2 years older), my parents always waited up for us though.  Coming home at 3 was when i was bartending, attending wedding and when i was sober clubbing (being the designated driver is more fun)

Patricia · Answer

No parent would ever come here and write this junk.  A fourteen year old girl might though.

y · Answer

Nope, not reasonable at all. He will be on his own in a few months, no mommy looking over his shoulder. He either has got it or he doesn't. The curfews you are setting for the summer should have to do with the family, when they need to get up on a workday, nothing about him. He needs to make his choices and deal with whatever they bring. Curfews for kids going off to school should be based on when the house hold shuts down, goes to sleep.

Curfew for my 17 year old son before leaving for uni this summer?

6 Answers